How to Mentor Ownership of Mistakes
This is an except from a letter I shared with a few friends.
This is not the full letter.
There were circumstances, that, though no-one TOLD me I "did wrong" or "needed" to own my behaviors, I recognized that I needed to share my ownership of my own path, my own behaviors and my own feelings.
To kill the ego, and be able to show up with authenticity, you do not give up your power, your presence, your responsibility as a practitioner, or community participant.
As a human I have spent a great deal of time, with some amazing souls supporting my journey, working on the ownership of self, in actions and emotions without giving up my power, my space. Without folding to the bully, the domineering, damaged person. And holding onto the power of strength that lives in that place, centered in love, compassion, grace and authenticity.
This life is a journey. You make mistakes. To my detriment, I have spent a great deal of time being the first to own my mistakes, and taking on others too; if it benefited the community. But that is NOT healthy. In the circumstance below, it would have been in everyones best interest that I not attend the event. And secondary to that, also expressed fatigue, instead of trying to "teach". We were all tired.
There is no blame in acknowledging that mistake. There is no shame or guilt. Acknowledging the circumstances, communicating clearly and learning from the event was a wonderful gift to give myself and to others.
So I share this learning experience with you.
I would not be a honoring you or myself if I did now own when I made mistakes. I should probably not have attended yesterdays (event). I had a long three days with clients, meeting with friends and generally cramming way too much into my days, after a good, rested week last week.
I am notorious for my body needing rest, and coming out of that rest, and I excited and ready to “do the work”. Not knowing how to accurately pace the “organism” in the journey is my own “stuff”. I AM working on this. This lovely “organism” is an ongoing struggle for me. That is no-ones responsibility but my own.
I appreciate this community and have felt very welcomed. In that feeling of welcome and joy, I recognize my own masks have come down; and those masks are for my safety, and the safety of others. I recognize that I may have said things that were mis-understood or mistaken or inferred upon and taken out of contextual meaning.
I own my own behaviors and own my actions. I own behaviors and actions that could or have hurt others. I also need to be better and honoring my own boundaries of activity participation. I did not do that yesterday. I apologize for that.
This is not attention, pity party. I am not depressed or sad. I am aware, and I feel that it is important that I bring that awareness forward. Mentoring good practices is something I feel I can do and should do. Especially with those I respect and have taken time to teach me this wonderful and amazing work.
I know that what I said to (insert name) was not meant to be hurtful, and I am glad, you called me out on that- I really sat with that this morning and realized my error. Thank you.
After ya’ll left, (cut out personal data here) I tried to use it as a teaching moment with (insert name) They apparently took it as a. personal attack. I made a mistake, and unfortunately, was unable to see/know that they were not taking that as a teaching moment, but as a shut down.
When I get tired myself, I may over-teach. “Teacher” takes over, you could say. I feel I may have gone too fast and did not allow for listening. Learning all the things too fast can “hurt”, and I would not be a good teacher or friend if I did now own when I made my own mistakes.
I have contact those individuals personally, and have an open communication with them. All is well on that front. I wanted YOU to know, that I am 100% aware I have made a mistake.
I thank you for being wonderful souls, and I thank you for the space to own my own “stuff” with grace. Thank you.